The personal friendship with the beautiful woman from the coffee shop is the highlight of staying in Beirut. Young, but mature, a deep person of common sense with a good heart—a women that enjoys deep conversations. She is a person who can see within myself, although much deeper than the average women. A connection of our inner spirit occurred that is a surprise, an unexpected occurrence. Naturally, these situations happen when I am ready to leave, although, everything happens for a purpose. She is very interested about my life, and I was open about everything of all the questions she asked. Her family life is difficult; she shared her perplexing family situation. Another woman that I was visiting at the coffee shop expressed her frustration concerning her controlling family—a common occurrence.
The bottom line issue is the reputation of the family, extremely common in the Arab world—shame verses honor is the prime issue, even here in Beirut. The parents are insecure, and fearful of encountering public shame that has heightened since she moved away. Her parents want the children to stay at home, if they go out, for one hour only. A lack of trust is a predominant quality among many parents throughout the world. We are going out for a second time and maybe a third.
The housekeeper of the flat I have been staying at wants to have me over for lunch and to meet her family. I will be heading for Turkey on Sunday. The pictures are of Byblos.
This wonderful, mature woman left her family to live on here own; the family is distressed, always calling her phone, and might not pay for her collage tuition. They try to guilt trip her by saying that she is running away, the same phrase people use in America. I have experienced this context in the Midwest, ignorant tongues spoken that is ego driven foolishness. There is nothing to runway from, if the family is problematic and hasn’t “figured it out”, they never will as a unit, though, the outward prestigious reputation is most important, despite the problematic situation.
Please note: the family unit provides survival here in the Arab world, the individualistic lifestyle of the west is perplexing and a complete contrast of the Arab cultural. The extended family provides contacts and support for business, caring for disabled children, and aging parents. Without family, a person could be severely displaced, especially if you’re a woman.
Nevertheless, the younger generation desires more independence and changes. The dire, inculcated insecurity, coupled with stuffed emotion of fear and dread that creates uncontrollable contemplation are what creates a demeanor of sorrow and grief. I have observed some parents filled with grief and sorrow because of never facing their insecurities—naturally common for a parent. The powerful energy of the ego to control, deludes good judgment of love. Releasing control requires confidence, faith, and trust, qualities that demand cultivation, and self-awareness.
As secure, separated mature individuals that have attained a healthy non-attachment, non-enmeshment—peace, and joy may be experienced among the family unit. Because of unhealthy enmeshment, attachment that is coupled with fear, a problematic family unit may exist. In the west, because of the selfish, individualistic lifestyle that causes a lack of intimacy—problematic, dysfunctional family units exist on a monumental level. The breakdown and lack of open communication, without judgment, are at a paramount level around the world, even though the family may appear healthy.
In the West, leaving home is essential for personal growth, I benefited when I left Minneapolis and detachment from the root of emotional baggage of the region. Striving for non-attachment and independence—growth begins, goals are attained, talents are uprooted, old emotional baggage can be cleared, and a self-identity may be claimed. Facing this challenge of independence may provide: a secure spirit, a character of ethics, responsibility that produces maturity, a spirit of integrity; however, the opposite of negative qualities will always battle the positive—the negative strives to ensnare. If an independent person is ensnared from the negative, an absence of family support can be catastrophic upon a person’s life.
When I observe the younger generation here in Beirut, out in the coffee shops, bars, restaurants, and the lively socialization—then, I hear people say to me—you cannot trust anybody! The concept boggles my mind. The unavailability of trust prevents intimacy, thus, can limit deep meaningful friendship. The political ethnic strife maneuvers the populace and agitates personal trust.
Observing the traditional courtship into marriage, I perceive to be a special arrangement. The exposure to virgin women has caused a different perception within myself concerning the partnership of soul mates. I have never understood the superficial idea of dating in the western world, I view the style of dating, and the arrangement disturbing, even so, there are positive and negative qualities that issue forth. According to western standards, I would be contemplated as old fashioned, I believe in cultivating a friendship first and I despise the superficial dating arrangement that exists in the west. However, I do know many couples that are very dedicated in long-term relationships, and that are commendable.
Understanding, creating, and attaining a balance is difficult within this world. Negative energy of the darkness is determined to control cultures and humans. Understanding and comprehending the positive qualities of the light will assist in attaining a reality of balance. The deeper context of faith and love is unknown around the world, understanding the deeper context of love will conquer negative egoistic qualities that delude the heart and mind.